Moving into Aliveness and Leveling Up into the Big Leagues
HoHum, Go & Nogo Zones
When working privately and confidentially with coaching clients and business teams, I talk about doing ‘safe experiments.’ This is built on the premise that if you continue to do what you have always done, you will continue to get the same outcomes. To think that you will get a different outcome without changing your mindset, thoughts, and/or behaviors is well, living a false fantasy. Yet, at one point or another we all do it.
It is not uncommon for me to see people who play it safe everyday, I’ve been there so I can see it. We do what we do while actively and often unconsciously taking these tracks or tactics:
Do everything you can to avoid conflict, criticism, or anger from others; this commonly involves people pleasing and focusing on the needs and emotions of others to the detriment of your own; aka staying small and/or
Bullying your way into controlling what you want and induce fear in people so no one messes with you; aka loneliness and/or
A combination of the two. Like tough guy at work and people pleaser at home.
The irony in both cases is the adrenaline pumping of workaholism, stress, substances and/or types of reinforcing exciting relationships keeps our anxiety going. Top CEOs and well accomplished men have admitted to me as their private and confidential coach of their absolute fear and debilitating anxiety that couldn’t tell any about without embarrassment, shame, or the harsh internal critic within them tormenting them.
I bring all of this up because if you are here and reading this, you are ready for your next step.
Seasoned business owner and entrepreneur Mick was ready. He wanted to pivot his career into a new field area when he came to me. He knew I could help him to see clearly and act skillfully.
His clarity and skill in the situation were being blocked. He came to me because underneath this was the discomfort he was experiencing inside himself. He was carrying what felt like a huge weight on his shoulders and it was unclear how to move forward wisely. So he asked for the guidance and respect of the confidential and private coaching relationship that we could develop that also challenged him enough to take the steps he wanted. He wanted to level up.
What he wouldn’t speak out loud and only could admit to after the successful coaching experience of working together was the vulnerability and discomfort of it all. This well accomplished and dynamic, respected, and highly successful man was concerned with being too big, too out there, and too powerful. His opportunity to take his next step was right in front of him. His entry into the big leagues was withheld from him by himself because he had to step into his discomfort and vulnerability to apply what he needed to do to get what he wanted, a chance for his professional triumph. He knew he had no control over the outcomes, but if he didn’t apply he would never give himself a chance to succeed in this new opportunity.
Most often the biggest obstacles we face are the ones that are self imposed.
So here is where the “Ho Hum -Go - No Go Zones” come into play.
HOHum Zone
It feels safe but we also are not trying new behaviors and not questioning the beliefs behind our thoughts and actions. We stay stuck in the looping false stories that play in our minds.
WARNING - Staying here you avoid healthy risks that could lead to your growth.
GO Zone
That’s discomfort you feel. Here there is enough safety to try on a new behavior. It’s a safe experiment.
It’s important here to attend to your needs by taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, going for a walk in nature, seeking the support of others on a similar path, or a coach, therapist or 12 step program that lifts you and accepts you as you are.
NoGo Zone
As an overachiever it is likely that you have also experienced this space. It is stretching too far and entering overwhelm. If you are here, learning is very difficult and the gift of turning your attention inward to understand your self. This is also another time that support can benefit you.
Often our dogged self determination or overactive need for achievement or proving ourself and independence actually keeps us from living the life of connecting, love and professional fulfillment that we want.
Professional growth and personal growth benefit from your actively stepping into challenge supported by resources that acknowledge and accept your inner experience and your physical body/mind as a guide for what is just right.
Ask yourself:
What are your supportive resources? (ie. Coach, music, walk in nature…)
What are your supportive resources in helping your physical body/mind feel calm?
If you experience your body shutting down or freezing, like shock or sleepiness when you are well rested, or out of balance, what can you do for your body/mind to feel more alive?
Want to move into aliveness and level up? Direct schedule a 30 minute private and confidential consult
Dr Bena Long, M.S.M., Ph.D., RODC
Executive Coach & Educator to the Fortune 100
youblong@drbena.com